Beta #2 11dp5dt

My nurse called and told me to stop taking the progesterone suppositories because my number dropped and if I hadn't started already I should begin bleeding soon.

As I sit here trying to stop crying my eyes out all I can truly wonder is WHAT THE HELL? I've lost yet another pregnancy.

I don't understand what exactly is going on. I'm taking the medicine exactly the way I'm told. Everything looks good with my eggs, Mr. B's sperm is fine, the embryos are implanting so what's stopping them from growing past that point.  I've been pregnant 3 times in the last 2 years and I can't make it past 4-7 weeks.

What am I doing wrong? My heart hurts so badly.

Until next time.... Pray for me!

Beta #1... The results are in

Today was Beta #1 I laid in the bed as long as possible when my alarm went off because it felt too much like getting up for work on Saturday. My clinic does all bloodwork, labs, and ultrasounds between the hours of 6:30-7:45 am EVERYDAY so regardless you always have to get up early.

I showered and dressed plainly in jogging pants and a t-shirt and made my way over to the clinic. My husband asked if I wanted him to go with me but honestly I saw no point for both of us to get up and lose sleep since it's not like there was anything for him to do besides sit there in the waiting room and wait while they took a blood sample so I let him sleep and kissed him lightly before I left. I wasn't antsy, anxious, or even nervous on my drive over I think I kinda left those feelings in the bed when I woke up. The nurse drew my blood and instructed me that my nurse would call in a few hours with the results and that I was free to go.

I drove home in a blur and was snuggled back in bed by 7:00. My nurse scared me out of my sleep at about 9a letting me know that the results were in for my Beta...

I'm Pregnant!!! The test was positive and I was pregnant... Yay!!!

Then the other shoe dropped. They are a bit concerned that my initial number is low (because she scared me out of my sleep I didn't think to ask her what the number was I'll ask her on Monday) so they will have me come back in on Monday to see if this indeed a viable pregnancy but as of right now I am pregnant and that's good news.

I think I'm still processing the whole thing. I told Mr. B the news and all he did was smile and tell me that he told me I was baking. He didn't mention the other half of it because in this second he's living in the moment (I wish he would teach me how to do that). He kissed my stomach and talked to the baby inside it and said hold on because we can't wait to meet you.

I've barred myself from the use of Google at all and limit my interactions with my phone to only playing solitaire and Cookie Jam. I don't want to search out success stories on the issue I will deal with that bridge when I get to it.  I've said my prayers and left it up to God on what happens on Monday (and the next 9 months).

Although I really hope things work out because I don't know how I will deal with another miscarriage.

Until next time... Keep me in your prayers!

Where I am Today...

After deciding to change to an IVF cycle I did 1 more injection of the meds that night. 2 trigger shots the next night and went in for the Egg Retrieval the day after the 4th of July holiday.

All I remember from most of that day is that my anesthesiologist had my same name and they give out delicious goldfish graham crackers lol... I pretty much was in and out of sleep most of that day and I had alot of bloating because my ovaries were still enlarged.

The RE called the next morning and told me that they retrieved 15 eggs and 11 of them were mature. Of that 11 only 6 fertilized and they would call me on Day 3 to let me know if I needed to come in that day or on Day 5 to do the transfer.  I read so much on Google leading up to Day 3 that I hoped for a Day 5 transfer. I was lucky enough for once to actually get my wish on that.

Day 5 transfer went so quickly and I really felt hardly anything pain wise. It's true what I've read about it being a bit better than a pap smear (sorry probably tmi). The doctor asked if we were doing 1 or 2 embryos and we decided on two (I'll write about that later) she then showed us a picture of the 2 embryos and explained that one  was already hatching and the other was ready to start so with those embryos we were likely to get twins and were we ok with that... umm of course?

Currently I'm at 8dp5dt so I'm waiting to go in for my Beta in the morning. I don't really have any symptoms other than being a little more tired and the occasional cramping in the lower left side of my stomach. I've been too nervous to test early and I think I can handle the news better from the clinic whether it's bad or good.

Oh how I hope it's good news...

Until next time. Keep me in your prayers.

We shall see what the morning shall bring.

Time for unplanned decisions

Well after over stimulating on my meds the RE gave me two choices as far as what to do with the remainder of my cycle.

Option 1: I could cancel the entire thing so even though I had paid for and used half my medicine I would have to stop and wait for my period to start which also meant NO SEX with my husband basically until that happened so the possibility of fertilizing one of the 15 eggs that had magical appeared wouldn't be there.

Option 2: We could convert the cycle over to an IVF cycle,for a reduced cost/rate, (I feel like saying it that makes them sound like they are on sale)

Mind you I'm having this conversation at about 6:40AM and I have to go work right after. I assume that by the look of sheer amazement mixed with overwhelming confusion and uncertainty the nurse steps in and says "Oh you don't have to make the decision right now. " I breathe a sigh of relief tell them I'll talk to my husband and let them know. They instruct me to get dressed and meet the nurse in the hall when I'm done. My mind is literally racing and all I keep thinking is what am I going to tell Mr. B.

I meet the nurse in the hall and find that she neglected to tell me one piece of VITAL info I needed to make my decision before noon that day because they needed both me and my husband to come in for bloodwork, forms, and consent to get everything started right away. So much for not making the decision right away.

So at 6:50 in the morning I'm waking a very sleep induced coma Mr. B out of his sleep to try and explain how my body went into overdrive. This of course takes alot of explaining and repeating on my part even though I started off the convo with "Babe we need to have an important conversation so I need you to wake up for me..." After I explain it all his only response is, "Oh wow! How much is that going to be?" (A flair for the dramatic that one is.)

Once I got to work I received a call from the insurance and financial coordinator stating that our insurance would cover our switch to IVF if that's what we chose... No pressure though. *eyeroll* I call Mr. B back to explain this extra piece of info I now had and luckily it was much easier because he was only half sleep because I guess his head was spinning with info.

So just like that before 8:30 that morning we had decided to have an IVF cycle and the ball started rolling with consent forms,  bloodwork, a shot of medicine injected into my stomach, and a date of 4 days later to do an Egg Retrieval...

What would you have done?

Wait... What happened?

MY BODY HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR

Mr. B and I begrudgingly took a TTC break earlier this year when I found out that I had a bulging/herniated disc in my L5 back in March. Needless to say those 3 months were very painful and depression filled. I was on medicine that caused nausea and loss of appetite which resulted in me losing 20lbs that I really couldn't afford to lose. After going through 2 physical therapy programs and getting bi-weekly massages I am finally at point where I feel more like myself again.

After being cleared by my neurologist that I was indeed "better" we could start "trying" again I was eager and excited to have a cycle (what woman ever says that...) so that I could make that phone call to my nurse for Day 1... Unfortunately I ended up with the same initial problem my cycle didn't appear on time. So two weeks after when I was supposed to start I had spotting which I thought was turning into the dreaded (but waited upon) AF but it wasn't. I called the nurse and she requested I come in that Monday for bloodwork and ultrasound. As the weekend went on I realized clearly I was mistaken called the nurse again and was told to come in anyway. They did initial bloodwork and an ultrasound and found that my lining was still very thick. I was sent home with a prescription for Provera and told to take it for 10 days and call with day 1. 

This is where my body's sense of humor kicked in because by the time I made it home from work that night AF was in full effect. Of course Mr. B thought I was losing my mind when I kept mumbling things like where was this 4 days ago. SMH the bright side I could begin my cycle like I wanted.  

Fast forward into the cycle where I am on gonal f shots of 100 ui/ml and I have 5 nice size follicles growing. My RE lowers my dosage by half and tells me to come back in 2 days. I go back in 2 days to find that I have 15 follicles growing ranging from 14mm to 18mm...

All I could say was Wait, What Happened...

The Beginning

How I learned I wasn't invincible...

My husband (Mr. B) and I have been together since senior year of high school but we've only been married for the last 3 years (at the end of August). Early in the marriage we made a deal that we would wait 1 year after getting married before we started TTC (trying to conceive) just so we could get use to it being he and I before we added to that mixture.

When that year was up we tried for a full year and my body started doing things it hadn't done since high school my cycles started being irregular. This one 29 days the next one 40... The worst of this was when my cycle disappeared for 3 months. I made a call to my GYN and she had me come in for a pregnancy test and then told me it was normal after it confirmed what I already knew... I wasn't pregnant. 

She gave me Provera and told me it should jump start everything. Of course it did but about 2 months later I was back in the same boat of my cycle disappearing for another 3 months straight.

That's when I was told I wasn't ovulating and she placed me on 50mg of clomid.  Fast forward through 3 months of hot flashes, mood swings, ovulation pains and I ended up finding out I was pregnant 7 days before my 30th birthday. Sadly enough I lost the baby 2 days after my birthday due to low progesterone.

For the next 12 months I endured more rounds of clomid with higher dosages and I just couldn't get pregnant again at least not one that I could hold on to. Finally I was referred to see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) because there was nothing more she could do for me. After a 2 month waiting list and an intense review of my  medical history. I was inducted into the world of INFERTILITY.

They drew my blood for some lab work, scheduled me for a HSG test and had Mr. B do "his business" in a cup for a SA (semen analysis).

The Results: Mr. B's swimmers are great as far motility and number. As for me I don't have an exact diagnosis on why I (we) are struggling with getting pregnant. My thyroid is normal though higher than she likes so I was placed on Levothyroxine to get it in the range my RE prefers. My HSG came back good so my tubes aren't blocked and there is no issue of fibroids, PCOS or endometriosis. 

So now we are playing the try it out and let's see what happens game. So I guess the part where I'm invincible and things like this don't happen to me showed me I wasn't living in reality.