How I told my husband...

We've been on this TTC journey for a while and Mr. B is very hands on about the whole thing, well as hands on as he can be aside from "doing his part". Most days I don't wake him for doctor's appointments but he always knows when they are and what's happening at each.

When I went in for my Beta I left Mr. B at home sleeping. It wasn't suspicious or raising any red flags because I get up early for work everyday so the time to his sleeping schedule was still early. He was under the impression that I didn't have to go in until Tuesday so I let him think it.

After the nurse called with the good news my brain went into overdrive on how to surprise him. Luck happened to be on my side that day because Monday is his day he usually works late. So I raced to the store after work and bought stickers, card stock, and a board after a quick trip to the dollar store I let my mind get to work.

The ending result is pictured below

There was more to the gift but I didn't get pictures before he got home. Like the Daddy's little drumstick onesie that will be perfect size for next Thanksgiving and a pacifier. I also recorded the entire thing which was priceless in my eyes. Now we just have to figure out how to tell our parents.

Until next time pray for us that this little baby keeps growing.

Updates and news...

Well I've been pretty MIA these last few weeks and so much has happened that I don't know where to start.  

I've been meaning to write this post for a week now but everything has been such a whirlwind with working and the start of graduate school (plus midterms this week) it's been hard to keep up. We started our next cycle after the frozen IVF cycle was a bit of a bust. There was a bit of debate with the clinic since I had already done a fresh and frozen IVF cycle that we would continue along the IVF route. Well honestly we never wanted to go the IVF route because we wanted to try as natural as possible if we could so that wasn't our plan anyway.  So IUI was suggested instead of IVF. Which there is nothing wrong with that either but every time they've tested my husband's sperm count and morphology it came back consistently with high numbers for both and call me old fashion but I'd prefer to be normal and just go home and have sex with my husband. I know it sounds crazy but we just wanted to "make" a baby the regular way. 

So once that was all sorted out and it had been decided that we would do a Gonal F injection cycle with timed intercourse I was pleased. After the start of my cycle and going in on day 3 for blood work and ultrasound I stimmed for about 6 or 7 days with gradual increases so that I wouldn't overstimulate like I did before and end up going through IVF again. When I did my trigger shot I had one egg that was a size 18 or 19 on the right and a 14 or 15 on the left. Since my first miscarriage was due to low progesterone I am automatically on some form of it in my two week wait. 

This past Monday I went in for my Beta I get to the clinic at 6:30 am chat with the girls in the lab about our weekends and my dress and cute boots (they always tell me I'm so dressed up) and head to work like normal. 

Typically I don't hear from my nurse until well after 1 pm when she calls so to get a call around 9 I just knew something went wrong. It wasn't my "assigned" nurse because she was off that day but it was another one named Jennifer. She explained that she had my results back from my test and that

I AM PREGNANT...

My numbers were high and strong. (In all my excitement I didn't ask what that initial number was). 

She instructed me to continue all my medicine except for the prolactin medicine I was taking and come back in two days. 

When I went back in Wednesday for bloodwork I was nervously excited but it was quick and I was in and out. My regular nurse called to tell me that my number more than doubled so I was sitting at a wonderful 477 (the first number was 174) and that I would need to come in next Thursday (11/20) for an ultrasound.

To say I am in shock is an understatement but I am living in the moment. The best was the way I told my husband but I'll save that for the next post.

Until next time... Send sticky thoughts and Pray for me...

Ivf 2 Results

This morning I had to get up early to be at the doctor's office for a blood draw to see if our FET IVF cycle was a success. 

It was a struggle to get up this morning because I had a "Girls Night In" last night which was so great but it ended with the last two people leaving after 1am.

The nurse called at 9am to tell me that my Beta Results were negative and unfortunately I'm not pregnant. I won't deny that I'm devastated because so many things seem to always happen when we try and I know that no one else's life is the same as mine but I just want my turn and chance to be a mom...

No tears today but I have a sad feeling that I can't shake and I know that's ok because tomorrow is another day...

Until next time...

5dp5dt...

Currently I am 5dp5dt and I feel like this...

Well kinda I am experiencing a slight sinus cold/allergy issue that triggered a massive asthma attack at work yesterday complete with the EMT's and the threat of oxygen. I don't have many 2ww symptoms other than the occasional crampy twinge here and there and sore boobies but that's to be expected since I am still on Estrace and Endometrium. Although last night my stomach was kinda bloated like I had eaten alot even though I hadn't had anything yet. Other than that I feel fine.

I can't say that I am particularly stressed because unfortunately asthma attacks this time of year are common for me but I have wondered if coughing and the fact that I have no choice but to take/use the medicine will affect implantation any. I contacted my nurse and she basically told me what I already knew BREATHING is more important so if I need the medicine then definitely take it.

I stayed home from work today and pretty much slept half the day away because it takes so much out of me but I just keep telling myself that it's what I need at the moment. A non-breathing me will be no use to the little embies inside me so I have to just take care of myself.

The Beta is scheduled for Sunday 10/12 so I'm hoping I feel better by then along with a BFP.

OAN: The funniest thing in all this is I keep thinking that I have the cutest new clothes and I haven't gotten to wear them because I don't feel that great. I guess I'm doing good not to stress about it. :-)

Until Next Time... Pray for us.

Starting Over... IVF#2

So after the first IVF cycle ended up as a chemical pregnancy and my doctor sent me to have a serious of blood work done. We were ready to get started again except my cycle did what it always does so after 51 days my cycle FINALLY shows back up.

I go through normal protocols and call my nurse to see what day she wants me to come back in. Since we had the two embryos in the freezer we decided to use those instead of doing the meds and it is supposed to be easier on you body so I'm for that. I go in on cycle day 3 and they put me on Estrace twice a day for 6 days and then I go back in for blood work and ultrasound.

After 10 days of Estrace I starting taking progesterone suppositories which I have to do 3X a day. I also had to start antibiotics and a steroid for 7 days. After that we could schedule the embryo transfer. Since it was a frozen cycle we had to do it Mon-Fri at our clinic especially since most times they aren't open past 9 am on Sat & Sun anyway so we chose today/Friday to make it a long weekend and I could just relax as much as possible.

The embryos were initially frozen as 5 day blast so we only had to hope that they survived the thaw. Luckily both of them did and they implanted them this morning at 10:30. Of course they let you watch it on screen as everything is happening but I think I was so tense from what was going on with the catheter that I missed it but they gave us a picture of the ultrasound so I know exactly where they are.

The cool/interesting thing is that even though the embryos were separate but frozen in the same "straw" when they thawed they somehow joined together by the sac which made me doctor say that I am her always something interesting patient.

Basically what this means is that WHEN(let's speak it into existence in hopes that it comes true) the embryos attach they will share a sac like they are identical twins even though they are fraternal. The babies would have two different placenta but share the same sac. She assured us that the babies would not be conjoined but it is a very interesting and rare case just the same. Needless to say the doctor, sonographer, and a few nurses are all excited and hopefully that this will work out for us.

I was just looking into the type of twins (mono-mono, di-di, and mono-di) a couple of weeks ago and from the descriptions it's true that this doesn't happen often definitely something only with IVF frozen cases.

Now I am in my two week wait but I will be going back in on Sunday to monitor my levels especially with the Vitamin D and MTHFR gene mutation. So let's keep our fingers crossed and the prayers strong that these are our miracle babies. We're/I'm cautiously optimistic and I hope that this works out great for us. The next 9 days are going to be very interesting.

I will keep you updated. I also attached a picture of the embyos.

Until next time... Pray for us!

Now I Understand... Kinda

So after having to wait an extra 2 weeks due to the lag in one test, a mini flood that still has me carless, going out of town for my friend's wedding and still working in between Mr. B and I finally met up with the RE to discuss the results from the bloodwork.

I'll be honest and tell you that I was dreading that my doctor would say something was wrong just as much as saying everything came back normal because I really needed a reason of why this keeps happening to me but no one wants something to be wrong.

We get to the office a little early and sit in the waiting room and I can't stop my legs from shaking in a nervous twitchy way. Even as we walk back to her office and my RE comments that we have lots to discuss I feel a pang in my lower stomach of this can't be good.

She briefly goes over the info of the last IVF cycle and the things she finds interesting about the way Mr. B's sperm reacted kinda laying out our odds in the matter.

Then she starts on me. I have a Vitamin D deficiency (which of course I already knew) and though not uncommon especially living in MI it's definitely a problem. A low but still normal Vitamin D level would be 30 mine is at an 18. I've already started taking the supplements on my own but it was after the bloodwork panel. Still I was encouraged to take it everyday at the 5,000 dosage.

Next she went into the issue she's found I have something called MTHFR which is basically a blood clotting disorder where I create more blood clots than my body needs. She placed me on a high dose of folic acid and vitamin B called Folgard.

Later she would like to place me on Heparin (a blood thinner) and progesterone shots (that were explained to hurt badly).

As for right now I'm taking the Folgard and low dose aspirin until we are ready to try again.

Until next time... Pray for me.

Nerves

Tomorrow we head in to the doctor to get the results from all the bloodwork & test that the doctor ordered.  I'm not totally scared but then again this whole TTC journey has been very heartbreaking and informative for me.

When I called the week before last they were still waiting for 1 more test and we were on vacation last week so tomorrow was the earliest that everything could fit together.

All I can do is hope for the best and see what tomorrow brings.

Until next time.... pray for me.

Healing...

I've tried not to walk around in a funk after losing the last baby but eventually it caught up with me and I haven't been sleeping well. So I'm dealing the best way I know how.

In the meantime I had a consult with my doctor and I was sent for a blood work up to test for something called Thrombophilia. From my research I've learned that this is a type of blood clotting disorder and they test for about 8 different things with this test. I guess that would explain the many, many vials of blood that they took. The results take about 7-10 days to come back in.  So I'm just waiting for them to come back to meet and discuss these with my RE about those results.

As I was researching I found info linked to infertility for people with Vitamin D deficiency. I found out that I had this during the 3 months that I was off work dealing with the herniated disc in my L5. Yet my neurologist only suggested I take supplements but never gave any real instructions on how much of a supplement I needed and the frequency of that dosage.

I found an article that explained how low Vitamin D is linked to implantation failure, miscarriage, and pre eclampsia. So after talking with my friend who not only has 6 kids and is very health conscious she explained how she and her whole family take Vitamin D supplements everyday including her 5 month old. She gave me the info for the supplements they take which are small eraser size tabs that quick dissolve with barely any taste to you.

We'll see how this works out.

Until next time...

Beta #2 11dp5dt

My nurse called and told me to stop taking the progesterone suppositories because my number dropped and if I hadn't started already I should begin bleeding soon.

As I sit here trying to stop crying my eyes out all I can truly wonder is WHAT THE HELL? I've lost yet another pregnancy.

I don't understand what exactly is going on. I'm taking the medicine exactly the way I'm told. Everything looks good with my eggs, Mr. B's sperm is fine, the embryos are implanting so what's stopping them from growing past that point.  I've been pregnant 3 times in the last 2 years and I can't make it past 4-7 weeks.

What am I doing wrong? My heart hurts so badly.

Until next time.... Pray for me!

Beta #1... The results are in

Today was Beta #1 I laid in the bed as long as possible when my alarm went off because it felt too much like getting up for work on Saturday. My clinic does all bloodwork, labs, and ultrasounds between the hours of 6:30-7:45 am EVERYDAY so regardless you always have to get up early.

I showered and dressed plainly in jogging pants and a t-shirt and made my way over to the clinic. My husband asked if I wanted him to go with me but honestly I saw no point for both of us to get up and lose sleep since it's not like there was anything for him to do besides sit there in the waiting room and wait while they took a blood sample so I let him sleep and kissed him lightly before I left. I wasn't antsy, anxious, or even nervous on my drive over I think I kinda left those feelings in the bed when I woke up. The nurse drew my blood and instructed me that my nurse would call in a few hours with the results and that I was free to go.

I drove home in a blur and was snuggled back in bed by 7:00. My nurse scared me out of my sleep at about 9a letting me know that the results were in for my Beta...

I'm Pregnant!!! The test was positive and I was pregnant... Yay!!!

Then the other shoe dropped. They are a bit concerned that my initial number is low (because she scared me out of my sleep I didn't think to ask her what the number was I'll ask her on Monday) so they will have me come back in on Monday to see if this indeed a viable pregnancy but as of right now I am pregnant and that's good news.

I think I'm still processing the whole thing. I told Mr. B the news and all he did was smile and tell me that he told me I was baking. He didn't mention the other half of it because in this second he's living in the moment (I wish he would teach me how to do that). He kissed my stomach and talked to the baby inside it and said hold on because we can't wait to meet you.

I've barred myself from the use of Google at all and limit my interactions with my phone to only playing solitaire and Cookie Jam. I don't want to search out success stories on the issue I will deal with that bridge when I get to it.  I've said my prayers and left it up to God on what happens on Monday (and the next 9 months).

Although I really hope things work out because I don't know how I will deal with another miscarriage.

Until next time... Keep me in your prayers!

Where I am Today...

After deciding to change to an IVF cycle I did 1 more injection of the meds that night. 2 trigger shots the next night and went in for the Egg Retrieval the day after the 4th of July holiday.

All I remember from most of that day is that my anesthesiologist had my same name and they give out delicious goldfish graham crackers lol... I pretty much was in and out of sleep most of that day and I had alot of bloating because my ovaries were still enlarged.

The RE called the next morning and told me that they retrieved 15 eggs and 11 of them were mature. Of that 11 only 6 fertilized and they would call me on Day 3 to let me know if I needed to come in that day or on Day 5 to do the transfer.  I read so much on Google leading up to Day 3 that I hoped for a Day 5 transfer. I was lucky enough for once to actually get my wish on that.

Day 5 transfer went so quickly and I really felt hardly anything pain wise. It's true what I've read about it being a bit better than a pap smear (sorry probably tmi). The doctor asked if we were doing 1 or 2 embryos and we decided on two (I'll write about that later) she then showed us a picture of the 2 embryos and explained that one  was already hatching and the other was ready to start so with those embryos we were likely to get twins and were we ok with that... umm of course?

Currently I'm at 8dp5dt so I'm waiting to go in for my Beta in the morning. I don't really have any symptoms other than being a little more tired and the occasional cramping in the lower left side of my stomach. I've been too nervous to test early and I think I can handle the news better from the clinic whether it's bad or good.

Oh how I hope it's good news...

Until next time. Keep me in your prayers.

We shall see what the morning shall bring.

Time for unplanned decisions

Well after over stimulating on my meds the RE gave me two choices as far as what to do with the remainder of my cycle.

Option 1: I could cancel the entire thing so even though I had paid for and used half my medicine I would have to stop and wait for my period to start which also meant NO SEX with my husband basically until that happened so the possibility of fertilizing one of the 15 eggs that had magical appeared wouldn't be there.

Option 2: We could convert the cycle over to an IVF cycle,for a reduced cost/rate, (I feel like saying it that makes them sound like they are on sale)

Mind you I'm having this conversation at about 6:40AM and I have to go work right after. I assume that by the look of sheer amazement mixed with overwhelming confusion and uncertainty the nurse steps in and says "Oh you don't have to make the decision right now. " I breathe a sigh of relief tell them I'll talk to my husband and let them know. They instruct me to get dressed and meet the nurse in the hall when I'm done. My mind is literally racing and all I keep thinking is what am I going to tell Mr. B.

I meet the nurse in the hall and find that she neglected to tell me one piece of VITAL info I needed to make my decision before noon that day because they needed both me and my husband to come in for bloodwork, forms, and consent to get everything started right away. So much for not making the decision right away.

So at 6:50 in the morning I'm waking a very sleep induced coma Mr. B out of his sleep to try and explain how my body went into overdrive. This of course takes alot of explaining and repeating on my part even though I started off the convo with "Babe we need to have an important conversation so I need you to wake up for me..." After I explain it all his only response is, "Oh wow! How much is that going to be?" (A flair for the dramatic that one is.)

Once I got to work I received a call from the insurance and financial coordinator stating that our insurance would cover our switch to IVF if that's what we chose... No pressure though. *eyeroll* I call Mr. B back to explain this extra piece of info I now had and luckily it was much easier because he was only half sleep because I guess his head was spinning with info.

So just like that before 8:30 that morning we had decided to have an IVF cycle and the ball started rolling with consent forms,  bloodwork, a shot of medicine injected into my stomach, and a date of 4 days later to do an Egg Retrieval...

What would you have done?

Wait... What happened?

MY BODY HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR

Mr. B and I begrudgingly took a TTC break earlier this year when I found out that I had a bulging/herniated disc in my L5 back in March. Needless to say those 3 months were very painful and depression filled. I was on medicine that caused nausea and loss of appetite which resulted in me losing 20lbs that I really couldn't afford to lose. After going through 2 physical therapy programs and getting bi-weekly massages I am finally at point where I feel more like myself again.

After being cleared by my neurologist that I was indeed "better" we could start "trying" again I was eager and excited to have a cycle (what woman ever says that...) so that I could make that phone call to my nurse for Day 1... Unfortunately I ended up with the same initial problem my cycle didn't appear on time. So two weeks after when I was supposed to start I had spotting which I thought was turning into the dreaded (but waited upon) AF but it wasn't. I called the nurse and she requested I come in that Monday for bloodwork and ultrasound. As the weekend went on I realized clearly I was mistaken called the nurse again and was told to come in anyway. They did initial bloodwork and an ultrasound and found that my lining was still very thick. I was sent home with a prescription for Provera and told to take it for 10 days and call with day 1. 

This is where my body's sense of humor kicked in because by the time I made it home from work that night AF was in full effect. Of course Mr. B thought I was losing my mind when I kept mumbling things like where was this 4 days ago. SMH the bright side I could begin my cycle like I wanted.  

Fast forward into the cycle where I am on gonal f shots of 100 ui/ml and I have 5 nice size follicles growing. My RE lowers my dosage by half and tells me to come back in 2 days. I go back in 2 days to find that I have 15 follicles growing ranging from 14mm to 18mm...

All I could say was Wait, What Happened...

The Beginning

How I learned I wasn't invincible...

My husband (Mr. B) and I have been together since senior year of high school but we've only been married for the last 3 years (at the end of August). Early in the marriage we made a deal that we would wait 1 year after getting married before we started TTC (trying to conceive) just so we could get use to it being he and I before we added to that mixture.

When that year was up we tried for a full year and my body started doing things it hadn't done since high school my cycles started being irregular. This one 29 days the next one 40... The worst of this was when my cycle disappeared for 3 months. I made a call to my GYN and she had me come in for a pregnancy test and then told me it was normal after it confirmed what I already knew... I wasn't pregnant. 

She gave me Provera and told me it should jump start everything. Of course it did but about 2 months later I was back in the same boat of my cycle disappearing for another 3 months straight.

That's when I was told I wasn't ovulating and she placed me on 50mg of clomid.  Fast forward through 3 months of hot flashes, mood swings, ovulation pains and I ended up finding out I was pregnant 7 days before my 30th birthday. Sadly enough I lost the baby 2 days after my birthday due to low progesterone.

For the next 12 months I endured more rounds of clomid with higher dosages and I just couldn't get pregnant again at least not one that I could hold on to. Finally I was referred to see an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) because there was nothing more she could do for me. After a 2 month waiting list and an intense review of my  medical history. I was inducted into the world of INFERTILITY.

They drew my blood for some lab work, scheduled me for a HSG test and had Mr. B do "his business" in a cup for a SA (semen analysis).

The Results: Mr. B's swimmers are great as far motility and number. As for me I don't have an exact diagnosis on why I (we) are struggling with getting pregnant. My thyroid is normal though higher than she likes so I was placed on Levothyroxine to get it in the range my RE prefers. My HSG came back good so my tubes aren't blocked and there is no issue of fibroids, PCOS or endometriosis. 

So now we are playing the try it out and let's see what happens game. So I guess the part where I'm invincible and things like this don't happen to me showed me I wasn't living in reality.