Now I Understand... Kinda

So after having to wait an extra 2 weeks due to the lag in one test, a mini flood that still has me carless, going out of town for my friend's wedding and still working in between Mr. B and I finally met up with the RE to discuss the results from the bloodwork.

I'll be honest and tell you that I was dreading that my doctor would say something was wrong just as much as saying everything came back normal because I really needed a reason of why this keeps happening to me but no one wants something to be wrong.

We get to the office a little early and sit in the waiting room and I can't stop my legs from shaking in a nervous twitchy way. Even as we walk back to her office and my RE comments that we have lots to discuss I feel a pang in my lower stomach of this can't be good.

She briefly goes over the info of the last IVF cycle and the things she finds interesting about the way Mr. B's sperm reacted kinda laying out our odds in the matter.

Then she starts on me. I have a Vitamin D deficiency (which of course I already knew) and though not uncommon especially living in MI it's definitely a problem. A low but still normal Vitamin D level would be 30 mine is at an 18. I've already started taking the supplements on my own but it was after the bloodwork panel. Still I was encouraged to take it everyday at the 5,000 dosage.

Next she went into the issue she's found I have something called MTHFR which is basically a blood clotting disorder where I create more blood clots than my body needs. She placed me on a high dose of folic acid and vitamin B called Folgard.

Later she would like to place me on Heparin (a blood thinner) and progesterone shots (that were explained to hurt badly).

As for right now I'm taking the Folgard and low dose aspirin until we are ready to try again.

Until next time... Pray for me.

Nerves

Tomorrow we head in to the doctor to get the results from all the bloodwork & test that the doctor ordered.  I'm not totally scared but then again this whole TTC journey has been very heartbreaking and informative for me.

When I called the week before last they were still waiting for 1 more test and we were on vacation last week so tomorrow was the earliest that everything could fit together.

All I can do is hope for the best and see what tomorrow brings.

Until next time.... pray for me.

Healing...

I've tried not to walk around in a funk after losing the last baby but eventually it caught up with me and I haven't been sleeping well. So I'm dealing the best way I know how.

In the meantime I had a consult with my doctor and I was sent for a blood work up to test for something called Thrombophilia. From my research I've learned that this is a type of blood clotting disorder and they test for about 8 different things with this test. I guess that would explain the many, many vials of blood that they took. The results take about 7-10 days to come back in.  So I'm just waiting for them to come back to meet and discuss these with my RE about those results.

As I was researching I found info linked to infertility for people with Vitamin D deficiency. I found out that I had this during the 3 months that I was off work dealing with the herniated disc in my L5. Yet my neurologist only suggested I take supplements but never gave any real instructions on how much of a supplement I needed and the frequency of that dosage.

I found an article that explained how low Vitamin D is linked to implantation failure, miscarriage, and pre eclampsia. So after talking with my friend who not only has 6 kids and is very health conscious she explained how she and her whole family take Vitamin D supplements everyday including her 5 month old. She gave me the info for the supplements they take which are small eraser size tabs that quick dissolve with barely any taste to you.

We'll see how this works out.

Until next time...

Beta #2 11dp5dt

My nurse called and told me to stop taking the progesterone suppositories because my number dropped and if I hadn't started already I should begin bleeding soon.

As I sit here trying to stop crying my eyes out all I can truly wonder is WHAT THE HELL? I've lost yet another pregnancy.

I don't understand what exactly is going on. I'm taking the medicine exactly the way I'm told. Everything looks good with my eggs, Mr. B's sperm is fine, the embryos are implanting so what's stopping them from growing past that point.  I've been pregnant 3 times in the last 2 years and I can't make it past 4-7 weeks.

What am I doing wrong? My heart hurts so badly.

Until next time.... Pray for me!

Beta #1... The results are in

Today was Beta #1 I laid in the bed as long as possible when my alarm went off because it felt too much like getting up for work on Saturday. My clinic does all bloodwork, labs, and ultrasounds between the hours of 6:30-7:45 am EVERYDAY so regardless you always have to get up early.

I showered and dressed plainly in jogging pants and a t-shirt and made my way over to the clinic. My husband asked if I wanted him to go with me but honestly I saw no point for both of us to get up and lose sleep since it's not like there was anything for him to do besides sit there in the waiting room and wait while they took a blood sample so I let him sleep and kissed him lightly before I left. I wasn't antsy, anxious, or even nervous on my drive over I think I kinda left those feelings in the bed when I woke up. The nurse drew my blood and instructed me that my nurse would call in a few hours with the results and that I was free to go.

I drove home in a blur and was snuggled back in bed by 7:00. My nurse scared me out of my sleep at about 9a letting me know that the results were in for my Beta...

I'm Pregnant!!! The test was positive and I was pregnant... Yay!!!

Then the other shoe dropped. They are a bit concerned that my initial number is low (because she scared me out of my sleep I didn't think to ask her what the number was I'll ask her on Monday) so they will have me come back in on Monday to see if this indeed a viable pregnancy but as of right now I am pregnant and that's good news.

I think I'm still processing the whole thing. I told Mr. B the news and all he did was smile and tell me that he told me I was baking. He didn't mention the other half of it because in this second he's living in the moment (I wish he would teach me how to do that). He kissed my stomach and talked to the baby inside it and said hold on because we can't wait to meet you.

I've barred myself from the use of Google at all and limit my interactions with my phone to only playing solitaire and Cookie Jam. I don't want to search out success stories on the issue I will deal with that bridge when I get to it.  I've said my prayers and left it up to God on what happens on Monday (and the next 9 months).

Although I really hope things work out because I don't know how I will deal with another miscarriage.

Until next time... Keep me in your prayers!

Where I am Today...

After deciding to change to an IVF cycle I did 1 more injection of the meds that night. 2 trigger shots the next night and went in for the Egg Retrieval the day after the 4th of July holiday.

All I remember from most of that day is that my anesthesiologist had my same name and they give out delicious goldfish graham crackers lol... I pretty much was in and out of sleep most of that day and I had alot of bloating because my ovaries were still enlarged.

The RE called the next morning and told me that they retrieved 15 eggs and 11 of them were mature. Of that 11 only 6 fertilized and they would call me on Day 3 to let me know if I needed to come in that day or on Day 5 to do the transfer.  I read so much on Google leading up to Day 3 that I hoped for a Day 5 transfer. I was lucky enough for once to actually get my wish on that.

Day 5 transfer went so quickly and I really felt hardly anything pain wise. It's true what I've read about it being a bit better than a pap smear (sorry probably tmi). The doctor asked if we were doing 1 or 2 embryos and we decided on two (I'll write about that later) she then showed us a picture of the 2 embryos and explained that one  was already hatching and the other was ready to start so with those embryos we were likely to get twins and were we ok with that... umm of course?

Currently I'm at 8dp5dt so I'm waiting to go in for my Beta in the morning. I don't really have any symptoms other than being a little more tired and the occasional cramping in the lower left side of my stomach. I've been too nervous to test early and I think I can handle the news better from the clinic whether it's bad or good.

Oh how I hope it's good news...

Until next time. Keep me in your prayers.

We shall see what the morning shall bring.

Time for unplanned decisions

Well after over stimulating on my meds the RE gave me two choices as far as what to do with the remainder of my cycle.

Option 1: I could cancel the entire thing so even though I had paid for and used half my medicine I would have to stop and wait for my period to start which also meant NO SEX with my husband basically until that happened so the possibility of fertilizing one of the 15 eggs that had magical appeared wouldn't be there.

Option 2: We could convert the cycle over to an IVF cycle,for a reduced cost/rate, (I feel like saying it that makes them sound like they are on sale)

Mind you I'm having this conversation at about 6:40AM and I have to go work right after. I assume that by the look of sheer amazement mixed with overwhelming confusion and uncertainty the nurse steps in and says "Oh you don't have to make the decision right now. " I breathe a sigh of relief tell them I'll talk to my husband and let them know. They instruct me to get dressed and meet the nurse in the hall when I'm done. My mind is literally racing and all I keep thinking is what am I going to tell Mr. B.

I meet the nurse in the hall and find that she neglected to tell me one piece of VITAL info I needed to make my decision before noon that day because they needed both me and my husband to come in for bloodwork, forms, and consent to get everything started right away. So much for not making the decision right away.

So at 6:50 in the morning I'm waking a very sleep induced coma Mr. B out of his sleep to try and explain how my body went into overdrive. This of course takes alot of explaining and repeating on my part even though I started off the convo with "Babe we need to have an important conversation so I need you to wake up for me..." After I explain it all his only response is, "Oh wow! How much is that going to be?" (A flair for the dramatic that one is.)

Once I got to work I received a call from the insurance and financial coordinator stating that our insurance would cover our switch to IVF if that's what we chose... No pressure though. *eyeroll* I call Mr. B back to explain this extra piece of info I now had and luckily it was much easier because he was only half sleep because I guess his head was spinning with info.

So just like that before 8:30 that morning we had decided to have an IVF cycle and the ball started rolling with consent forms,  bloodwork, a shot of medicine injected into my stomach, and a date of 4 days later to do an Egg Retrieval...

What would you have done?